worthy:
..  my wife  ..
..  nay-nay  ..
..  jimbo  ..
..  atom  ..
..  god  ..
..  dj dj  ..
..  derK  ..
..  david  ..
..  tt  ..
..  upb  ..
..  velveteen  ..
..  machine  ..
..  invisible pete  ..
..  shaft  ..
..  bnl  ..
..  google  ..

places you should go:

what should i put here:
Any suggestions?

 

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

So it is the anniversary of the Boston Tea Party today. Ladies, please line up on the left for your commemorative Tea Bags. And, as Samuel Adams once yelled, "Let the tea bagging begin!"

Awkward.

So it's almost Christmas (9 more sleeps) and I have to tell you that December has not been my month. The following things have happened thus far:
1) I got in a car accident and totaled my car.
2) I got fired.
3) I preheated the oven without checking inside of it and melted three cutting boards, a strainer and some mixing bowls, thereby ruining the bottom of my oven.

But, my son has learned "hi dada", so I guess we'll call it even.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

Craig @ 7:42 AM   

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

That's right. I'm posting. Want to make something of it?

What hasn't happened since we talked? I joined Nutrisystems (just like Dan Marino and Jillian Barbierraieaia). I'm down 60 pounds but haven't had a decent slice of pizza in three months. So you decide if it is worth it. I do have new skinny jeans though. Still don't give me an hint of an ass, but they're smaller than anything I have fit in for quite awhile. Chris is doing Weight Watchers. I won't tell you how much she is down, but she is smoking hot with tremendous hoots.

My son is...well perfect. I won't bore you with all the details. Sufficed to say he is handsome, brilliant, advanced and far better than your pets/offspring/grandchildren/spouse. He does tend to chew on his own socks every once in awhile though. And he is fascinated with remote controls. We (read: I) was worried that maybe he wasn't mine until I saw that. Now there is no doubt who he belongs too. (The remote was a clue, but he tends to grab onto the goods every time we change him. That pretty much clinched it).

The P has come and gone. Melancholy, but I'm kind of over it. I've decided that no matter how I might feel about my job (current or future), it is probably best that I got out of the bar racket. Though if you know of anyone looking for occasional (one night a quarter) help, please let me know. I'll dust off my liver.

I am painting murals on my son's walls. Turns out I am quite the artist. Now, if I could figure out how to do one a week, and charge someone $1000/mural, I would be all set. Maybe if I did them nude. Probably have to stay on Nutrisystems for all that.

I just bought my second Christmas album of the season. Elvis Christmas Duets. It's good. Speaking of which:

70 more sleeps until Christmas

Did you ever feel like you should type more because you haven't updated in awhile, and you think people are waiting on every word. Either hoping for a nugget of wisdom, or witty insight? I only have so much witty insight people. So to leave you with this:

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

That and the fact that I hate that goddamn smug Pete Petoniak bastard.

Craig @ 6:31 PM   

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Sunday, June 01, 2008

Last Call:

Peabody's is closing and new owners are coming in. The last day is Wednesday June 4th. I will be making my last appearance and saying goodbye to the old girl on Tuesday.

Crap.... More to follow.

Craig @ 2:45 PM   

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Friday, May 09, 2008

Let's play a little game of before and after:

1) What grosses you out?
Before: Banana peels and apple cores
A week ago: Crap that runs up the diaper and further up the back
Now: God only knows. I haven't found the limit yet.

2) What is your favorite song?
Before: "Sway" - Dean Martin/Michael Buble - "At Last" - Etta James
A week ago: "Crazy Bitch" - Buck Cherry - "Poop Goes in the Potty' - O.A.R.
Now: I am intrigued with the song "Funky Butt" from the album "The Bottle Let Me Down: Songs for a Bumpy Wagon Ride" as well as "Snack Time" by the BNL

4) What is the perfect after dinner drink?
Before: Alcohol with a side of cigarettes.
A week ago: Sleep.
Now: One drink. (she has a supply frozen milk...step off)

5) How much sleep do you need?
Before (college): less than or equal to 4 hours
A week ago: equal to 4 hours
Now: 7.5 hours (though I am hesitant to mention it in case it stops happening)

6) What makes you nostalgic?
Before: Bartenders
A week ago: Old bar friends (DJ - give me some advanced warning next time).
Now: No sappy answer. Bartending. Someone tell Wally.

7) What is your idea of a wise investment?
Before: Peabody's II
A week ago: Still the strip club idea.
Now: An educational IRA where you don't have to pay taxes for college tuition.

8) What is the greatest evil in the world?
Before: Republicans
A week ago: Republicans
Now: Yeah, sorry. My name is Craig Moore, and I am still a Democrat.

9) What do you like to make fun of?
Before: Shakespeare Sister
A week ago: Breast pumping and what it does to the nips.
Now: Nothing as I am afraid of the pumps.

10) What is unconditional love?
Before: My wife and then friends
A week ago: This little person that is really no bigger than a watermelon. He cries. A lot. He craps. Even more than cries really. He pulls my chest hair. He sleeps on his schedule. He doesn't seem to like Dean Martin just yet. He digs showers way more than baths. Roger Whitaker seems to calm him down. He likes the tree downstairs with Christmas lights. Sometimes when you pick him up he lets out his light coo that lets you know everything is OK with him, which makes everything OK with you. And sometimes he wakes up crying his eyes out and you pick him up and he buries/pushes his head into your neck and then he starts breathing heavy...and then he pauses a second and breaths in really deep and lets out a huge sigh as he snuggles even further into your neck. That, my friends is unconditional love. And maybe Baby Sleep Apnia. But that would suck so let's stick with the other things.
Now: What? Are you fucking stupid? What is better than the 'a week ago' posting?

Craig @ 9:45 PM   

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Friday, March 07, 2008

It's been awhile, though I don't have all that much to say. Christmas has come and gone. The outside lights are still up though. Screw you, it's been cold and snowy. March is my month though. I can feel it.

My brother turned 40 this past month. I think it made me feel older than it made him. Though we were both kind of drunk, so it could be a toss up. There was wine one night, and beer the next and people singing "Crazy Bitch" at the top of their lungs. In any regards, Happy Birthday to a great big brother.

Work is going well, though it keeps me busier than any other job has kept me. I still don't like firing people, but I suppose if I ever get used to it, I've been in that position for too long. I'm still holding out hopes for an office one day. I'd like to say my MBA got me a bigger cube than others, but alas, it hasn't. It did however grant me the power to listen in on everyone's phone conversations at work. At that is worth 5 years and $25,000+.

I got a new tattoo at the end of December in memory of my little girl. It's amazing that feet that tiny can have ten little toes. And it still boggles the mind that someone that small and new needs eyelashes and fingernails, but there you go. And if you ever wonder what it's like to get a tattoo on your bicep, it's not all that bad. That is until you hit the "lunch lady arm" part of the inner arm. That, as the kids like to say, sucks.

Speaking of kids, how long have sneakers been called "kicks"? Honestly, you crazy kids with your fancy shoes and complicated hair. I blame Adam Curry and that Music Television.

That is all for now. My apologies for those of you that were excited by a new post. Even I felt I have let you down.

Wait, there is something else. For those of you wondering what these two expecting parents might be after, please pool your money and head here, as we will be seeing him in July. Oh, and Buble in April. (two concerts in one year....look out)

Flash from the past blogs: (Nov 2, 2001)

On a similar note, I've decided that I want to be a B-star (like Jackee, or Meschak Taylor). I know that everyone wants to lead the life of Tom Cruise but not me. I want to be comfortable in my "so-so-ness". Because eventually your star-power will fade and I don't want to fall too far. I know that means having to spend New Year's Eve at Nora Dunn's party instead of somewhere really fancy. I'll have to rub elbows with Shadow Stevens and Markie Post while eating e-z cheese and triscuits while discussing the casting of Fantasy Island 2 and how we were all ripped off. I'll have to look at the clock wondering when something fun is going to happen, and then thank God when Ted Knight and that guy who played MacGyver's friend Jack Dalton actually show up!! At one point I'll have to roll my eyes when Catherine Bach shows up and declares, "Look everyone, I can still fit in the original Dasiy Duke's!!", because no one needs to see that. Then at the end of the evening, and several bottles of Andre Brut Champagne I'll look amourously at the girl from Kate and Alley (not Jane Curtain, the other one). Then I'll remember that the blonde from Cagney and Lacey was "going to take that bitch out" and I'll decide to just split a cab with Doc from the Love Boat and call it an evening. Ahhh, Hollywood.

Craig @ 9:51 PM   

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Thursday, December 20, 2007

So it's the most wonderful time of the year. "Why?", you might ask. To which I would reply, "Oh you silly, silly bastards. Sit down, grab a drink and let me tell you why."

Seasonal media. Anything Rankin and Bass deserves respect (*note* - obviously I am not including The Little Drummer Boy. That's some weird shit.) Movies with black dickies and white sweaters. Songs about managers, silent nights, marshmellow sleigh rides, and silver bells drift throughout the streets and minds of everyone. If you come across a cd in the store that has Dean Martin in the title, and you don't currently own it, buy it immediately before I have to punch you in the face. Because that wouldn't be very Christmas-like. White and colored (though there's little cause to bring race into all this) shine, and twinkle (I know Art, and thanks for noticing) and remind us what we're really celebrating.

On a related note, my Christmas tree has remained lit with no problems, and I only have two outside lights out. Not too bad.

Since my baby just moved, I have to comment now. I know what I have always said. "Oh, you've decided to spawn again..." or "This baby is now 3 months old, is he talking yet?" or "There is no such thing as a cute baby..." Turns out that those are all lies. You know how I know? My baby's ultrasound is about 100x cuter than most babies I have seen. (If you read this blog, your baby is the exception. I'm sure.) During the last ultrasound my baby was sucking its thumb and I have a picture of him/her waving at me. Beat that!!

Finally, presents. Not to sound too materialistic, but let me tell you a little fairy tale. There once was a young boy named Craig. And he went to a house that had three bottles of Jack Daniels on the counter. "This one is too big," he said (of the 1.75L bottle). "This one is too square," he said (of the 1L bottle). "But this one is just right," he said (of the 750 mL bottle). And he drank it all up. Though truth be told, he started drinking the too square bottle as well. Then Chris said, "Someone is passed out in my bed..."

And to all a good night.....

Craig @ 7:24 PM   

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

It's October! So what! Most of you haven't posted anything! Sons of Bitches...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. It's just the melancholy talking. Why the melancholy? Joey Bishop died. The last remaining Rat Pack figure is gone. I don't know why it bothers me so much. Dean Martin died and I noticed. Frank Sinatra died and I didn't believe C. Maybe because now that time is done. Maybe that's what sucks so much. Really Tony Bennett is the only tie left to that time, and he's starting to look his age (no offense Mr. Bennett if you read this site). A time when you wore a tuxedo to a casino, and a suit on an airplane. A time when men wore fedoras and stood when a lady entered the room. A time when "evolution" meant "on the rocks" and "revolution" meant taking out the olive and putting in an onion. Where lipstick stained cigarette butts danced a never-ending waltz with cherry stems in a smoldering ashtray. I was born at the wrong time.

Inevitably, that brings up the debate. No, not Beatles or Elvis (as Elvis wins every.single.time.) Rather, who was cooler: Frank or Dean. Frank had the mafia, and the hat, and you know he could kick your ass if he wanted too. But Dean had the voice, the laugh, the timing. I would have wanted the power of Frank, but I would have wanted the life of Dean. Dammit. I really was born at the wrong time.

Though I suppose now I have internet pron, so that's something. And while we're on that subject, I took my mom to a website with her new fancy cable internet, you know, just to show her what's out there. She almost had a heart attack. Funny. (not ha-ha funny. more ironic funny). Nothing like being the corrupter of the family.

And while we're on that subject, if I were to (hypothetically) be part of a LLC that owned a strip club (keeping in mind that if I hypothetically did that I would hypothetically give up my youth group minister salary), what would be the best name for said club?
1. Craig Moore's Whores (to the point, but seems a little crass)
2. Casanova's
3. Sheik's - Where it's always ok to see a camel toe
4. Knuckles Deep
It's #2, right?

You know what? Enough judging. 67 days until Christmas and your judging makes Baby Jesus cry. Nice. Real nice.

Craig @ 8:04 PM   

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Monday, August 20, 2007

Well shit. It's August already so I figured I would post. Lucky you. Or unlucky you maybe. Let me know at the end.

So we went to Vegas and while the adage may be true that What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas, let me tell you a little bit about what happened. I had a $12 Israeli made Chocolate Martini at the Michael Buble concert, we bought a painting made by the Blue Man Group during their performance, I heard someone say "changing $100" without fear of a noxious smell soon to follow, I got drunk on margaritas, I played at a Roulette and Blackjack table, I saw the Belagio fountains, we went to Fremont Street and was disappointed by the giant Cowboy Neon, I drank more margaritas, I walked forever, I did NOT take any hooker advertisements, I got screwed by the Wheel of Fortune game, C got a bloody nose inside of the Golden Nugget (no fault of her own...or mine), we ate breakfast under the Eiffel Tower and we fooled around in a big ol' king bed. Other than that, mum's the word. I highly recommend the trip and I am eagerly waiting to go back, so let me know if that fits into any one's plans.

Then we went to a CourtandNate's wedding. It was really beautiful, except for the rain. The fireworks, free pizza and free beer more than made up for it. We also got to see some long-lost friends from out of town. I'm only sorry I didn't get out on the dance floor, and potentially break another foot. Curse you Little Willy. Curse you right to hell.

Work is work, and when I say that, I actually still love the new position. My day goes by so quick most of the time, I don't know where it goes. I am now the one staying late and putting in extra hours. A bit of a role reversal. The last job I put extra hours in on was Peabody's, but that was for entirely different reasons.

I have a new crush. Her name is Amy Winehouse and her Rehab song is amazing. She's kind of a dirty, 50's, English throwback complete with skinny arms and bad teeth. That could be from the bulimia and heroin, but what do I know. Either way, she's dirty, a little scary and I'll be real honest, I kind of like it.

And that's it people. Amazing how much time can go by and how little can happen. Oh, and I bought an extra CD burner to replace mine that took a crap, and if anyone can tell me how to get it to be the preferred drive to burn things, so that the broken drive doesn't keep opening and looking for blank media that would be great.

Oh, and 4 months until Christmas.

Really, I think we're safe to say, "unlucky you" on this one. Sorry.

Suck it.

Craig @ 9:40 PM   

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Thursday, June 21, 2007

In case you're a hermit and haven't heard...I'm making a guest appearance at the P this Saturday. Wally asked me back for one last night. Obviously he misses my prodigious skills behind the bar and couldn't live without me while he went on vacation.

That being said, it's more likely that he planned a vacation and had no one else to fill in. In any case, I'll be there.

Fair warning, there is a band that night. A hippie band. Bring extra soap to form a protective barrier for you and your loved ones.

In final news, I got a promotion at work. As of July 1st I will no longer be selling things on the phone. I will be hiring and teaching other people how to sell things on the phone. And then firing them when they can't do it well.

Good news: no more phone.
Bad news: I still have a cubicle.
Worse news: it's way in the corner as far away from windows as possible.
Worst news: the "No one puts Baby in the corner" jokes have started already.

Feel free to mock.

Craig @ 6:37 PM   

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Friday, June 08, 2007

Holy shit balls. Where to begin. There's actually a lot to say.

I went to the P at the end of May. It was a mixed emotion trip. I got to see the Loper's, which is always a wonderful treat. Atom makes me laugh at every turn, E listens to me ramble and they both are very patient with my A.D.D. So I could have not asked for nicer company. On the downside I met one of the new kids meant to replace me. He's a jerk, and not even having met the other one, I think I can safely say he's a jerk too. And I actually mean that. It's not some bravado like ChinaCabinet/Hutch that replaced me. Thankfully it was Atom that reminded me that no one person can replace me, and that no one puts Baby in the corner. So I felt better with both bits of info.

IP got a new job and I cannot imagine a more grateful school district (besides my lovely wife's). We should celebrate. Now how would we do that...

In related news, if any of you asked C and I to do something July 13th - 16th, I would have to say, "If what you have is better than seeing this guy, at this place (and staying there), in this city, then we'd love to come. If not, I'm afraid you'll have to suck it." As it turns out, my company is nicer than I thought and I won a trip to this lovely city for the first time. Airfare, lodging, and spending cash for two...and if you're reading this and not married to me, you're not invited on the company dime.That being said, if anyone wants to come: book early, save early.

And on a somewhat related note, if anyone can find me this print for less than $4000, there's a shiny quarter in it for you.

And I have a quarter for Audrey too. Audrey...

Craig @ 7:29 PM   

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Thursday, May 03, 2007

So here's the thing. It's not that I hate you all, and that's why I haven't posted. No, it's more the fact that the last time I tried to post, I discovered I had to create a google account, and then there were more passwords, and at the time, I just didn't have it in me. For Pete's sake, when I'm ready to post (once a month), I get ready and go do it. Needless to say, the extra steps last time were not going to happen. Since then I have been continually girdding my loins in preparation to post (I have a lot of loins to gird). That being said, here we go:

I have nothing to say.

That's not true. JLS (nee T), just had a little girl. They have successfully added to the brood. Congratulations. I'm sure when she stops crying, I'll be over to visit. And I'll bring a six-pack. Nothing says "Happy Motherhood" like a cold case of alcohol. Or at least that's how it goes in my family (I can hear you judging me all the way over here).

Work is work, and I shan't bother you with too many details, other than I have late shift today, which has allowed me to sleep in, watch Buffy, and talk to you. You ungrateful sons of bitches.

As I stare outside at the beautiful day coming, I am drawn back to my college days. When right about now, I would be debating at what point in the day am I going to throw in the towel on classes, and just begin drinking. Would I open the windows, turn on obnoxiously loud music (perhaps Jimmy Buffet, or Christmas music, or the occasional Shakespeare's Sister), play Nintendo and drink right away? Or would I have to savor the booze so I could head to the bar later? And who do I know that has a weak enough will that I can convince them to join me in a day of debauchery (JR - I'm looking in your direction)? In any event, case race anyone?

The bar in the basement is coming along swimmingly. As it turns out, I am quite the drywaller. And no, I will not help you with your drywall project. That is, unless I am related to you (by blood) or you have (or will promise to) donate an organ to me.

Speaking of bar news, if anyone still has an in with Walter P Melchoir, tell him to invite me back for a guest appearance bartending gig. One Moore Night Behind the Bar. Don't worry, if that would ever happen, I would give you all fair warning. You'd need time to get the tolerance up and get your livers ready.

But not too much. I was only 1/2 kidding about that organ donation plan.

Craig @ 7:47 AM   

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

First things first. We have a little more Etta news. She was about 10.5 inches at birth. One might think that's tiny until I tell you she weighed 14.4 oz. It's hard to wrap your head around that, but my brother came up with a good analogy to help out. He told his girls that they were about the same size as a smallmouth bass when they were born. Etta on the other hand, was the size of a good sized brook trout. She was prettier than most fish though, so we have that going for us.

She really was beautiful and I miss her.

In other medical news, as it turns out I am somewhat of a medical miracle. Picture this: it's a nice social gathering. The entire family got together to celebrate Mike's birthday, and there was food and wine and martinis. My mom had a couple martinis, and a long lost secret came out. It turns out that she had her tubes tied a full year before she was pregnant with me. Somehow I got through. The Moore men are very virile.

And it's that time again...Lent...March Madness, whatever you want to call it. And I know it is tempting people, but please do not tell me about giving up french fries for Lent unless you're using that denial as a way to come closer to God and to investigate and celebrate your faith. If you're giving up french fries to give up french fries call it what it is. It means you couldn't stick to your New Year's resolutions, and you're giving them another shot.

In final news, he's back. I have my theories about what he's been doing since he's been gone, and for the sake of this guy, I'll tell you about them soon. Not today though as it is late, and I am tired, and I taped the episode "Once More With Feeling" this morning on FX and am going to watch that instead.

If you understand what I taped this morning, don't worry about it. Embrace your inner geek.

Craig @ 9:16 PM   

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

So it took a little while, but we finally have some answers. It turns out that my little girl had Osteogenesis Imperfecta II. Which is a fancy way of saying that she had Brittle Bone Disease Type II. It happens once in every 100,000 births, and it looks like it was just an unlucky fluke for us. It is always fatal, which is a little reassuring since we know now that there wasn't anything that we could do. People say that, but you always second-guess. We don't know if that puts us at any higher risk for a baby with one of the other three types of the disease. That will be determined after we meet with a geneticist. I don't know if C and I will have to go through any genetic testing, or if the doctor will just know the answer. And in case I didn't say it before, she was beautiful and perfect.

Craig @ 5:07 PM   

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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Picture this:

It's opening weekend. I leave work on Friday with a feeling of connection to the outdoors that comes hand in hand with the hope of killing something and then spending some quality time with my arms buried in its insides. I am cruising north on 41 and enjoying the roomy lanes, though somewhat sad that I don't get to drive by the churches with clever sayings anymore, listening to David Allan Coe and Tenacious D to get me in the mood for deercamp. My full beard is enhancing the outdoorsy feeling. I get constant updates from the deercamp consituents that are already drinking that drive me closer and closer to my goal. I turn onto the road leading to the Blessed Camp, so I decide to crack a cold Wisconsin Barley Pop, and arrive minutes later.

A quick hello, a glance through the one (1) Playboy someone was smart enough to bring, a cocktail, and it is off to dinner. A giant steak sandwich and a few pitchers of beer and I am as if one with nature. I can feel the spirit of nature flowing through my blood, and at one point I swear I can hear the distant pounding of native drums (though that might have been from the Ted Nugent songs on the bar's jukebox). I go to bed with the buzzing anticipation of what is to come tomorrow, as well as slightly buzzed.

Opening morning I get to my stand with what seems like 4 hours of darkness before I can pull the trigger. But this is my year dammit. This is year 10, and I am running out of patience. I cannot be the running joke any longer. Morning passes and...nothing. Noon comes and...nothing. I am starting to get discouraged. Then it happens. The slight rustle of leaves. Is that merely a squirrel? I don't think so. Gun raised, eyes trained on the prize, a silent prayer (Please Lord, it's ok if I miss, just let the gun go off) and she walks into my line of fire. And then...BANG!!

That's right ladies and gentlemen, the draught is over. A beautiful doe is harvested (all thanks to my big brother Mike), drug out of the woods and hung up on the deer pole. And just when you think it can't get any better, on Sunday afternoon I got another one. Two in one year! This year I became a deerhunter, and not merely a hanger-on that gets venison once a year.

So to make a long story short (shut it), I'm pretty happy with how things turned out this year.

Craig @ 9:19 PM   

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Why are so many people trying to ruin Christmas for me? Cases in Point:

1. If I have to see that stupid Zale's commerical where one guy high-fives another guy while walking through a busy mall just one more time, I will find the creative genius that came up with that commercial and high-five him/her right across the face. I am all for creative license on tv (my favorite show used to be about a man who could fly), but come on. It is stupid and unrealistic, and it kills Christmas spirit for everyone.

2. NBC has sullied the good name of Ignatius Thistlewhite. Did you see the live action "A Year Without a Santa Claus"? Delta Burke belongs on Designing Women, not being Mrs. Claus. It's not ok that NBC did this. My hand to God, if I have to see Vince Vaughn-Bumble I will go insane.

3. Mariah Carey singing Christmas songs. Seriously. Pick a note and stick with it. There is no reason for you to warble like that Neville brother with the giant mole on his head. It's not impressive.

4. The weather. If it can snow in Southtown, USA, then I better get some snow for Christmas.

There are a number of things keeping me in the mood though. Roger Whittaker's Christmas albums. The tree is up and our house either smells like evergreen or Christmas cookies. I haven't noticed any burned out bulbs outside (they know better than to mock me this year). Advent calendars that contain chocolate. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer flannel sheets. Remotes for my lights. 104.3 (the Breeze). Secret Santas and shiny ornaments. Bing Crosby and Santa's sleigh bells.

It really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Craig @ 8:41 PM   

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© 2001 [cgm]