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Thursday, March 11, 2004
AP - Kaukauna
A ghastly sight was discovered today in an unassuming ranch house on the outskirts of the realitively quite town. Friends and neighbors were shocked to find that a local man's ass had been found dead, from causes not yet known.
"It was such a quite ass," remarked a neighbor. "Wait, come to think of it. It has been trouble in the past."
Police discovered the ass at roughly 8:30 this morning. Preliminary findings suggest that the death could have come from the two pots of coffee the owner drank this morning, or possibly due to the amount of homework and tests that were due today. Further tests will be conducted as the day progresses.
"It's such a sad thing when something like this happens," said Police Chief Seymour Butts. "It's tragic when a good ass just drops like that."
Though the death was sudden, and surprising, there was time for those present to make sure that a suitable final resting place was located.
The owner could not be reached for comment.
(read: I don't feel so good)
Craig @ 9:21 AM
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